Top 31 Lies You Will Never Get Away With

1) You could never look fat, honey
2) No, your breath doesn't smell at all.
3) I love your fruitcake, Aunt Petunia
4) Yes, I'm proficient in all the software programs your company uses, in spite of never having worked here
5) Of course I studied dance with Alvin Ailey
6) I didn't eat the last cookie
7) I love the fushia plaid tie you got me for Father's day. I'll wear it all the time!
8) Yes darling, living with your mother for a year while we save for a house is a wonderful idea
9) I'm positive I gave you all your phone messages
10) No, I'm not looking for another job
11) It's not you. It's me. I just need time to figure out who I am
12) I love you, too
13) And I only spent 10 dollars on these Manolo Blahnik shoes honey. They were on sale!
14) No, those pants don't make you look fat.
15) Yes, I'm listening to you honey.
16) Nope, I wasn't the one just calling you and hanging up
17) This food is fantastic, dear! I could eat it over and over again
18) I'm too busy to see you this weekend
19) I can't make it to the company party, I'm washing my hair
20) Of course Santa Claus is a real person.
21) I studied for the exam. I most certainly didn’t cheat.
22) My dog ate my homework
23) I swear I didn't see you walking in the street the other day
24) You are only 35 (enter any number)? Get out of here. You don't look a day over 30.
25) I always thought you were a natural blonde/brunette/redhead.
26) Officer, I was only going 45 max.
27) I wasn't crying. I was just chopping onions
28) No, I don't think your mother is the devil
29) I don't know why that plant died. I watered it every time you asked me to
30) No, mom, you weren't interrupting anything
31) I don't know what zit you are talking about. I don't see a thing