Passive-Aggressive (Part 2)
By Angela Arlia

aaaao refresh from last issue's Grammarian, aka, Part 1, Jonah left and came back. George Clooney delivered a letter and an elephant kicked a soccer ball. Yes, that's good. So let's continue where we left off.
aaaaThere are certain verbs in the English language that, when followed by another verb directly afterwards, must take either an infinitive or a gerund. (I vaguely remember explaining what gerunds and infinitives were in another article. If you've heard it before, bear with me. If not, pay attention. This is good stuff. I mean it.) An infinitive is a verb in the to form, like "to be," "to clean," "to stink," etc., while a gerund is the -ing form of a verb, such as "being," "cleaning," and "stinking." Sometimes we use a gerund as the subject of a sentence, as follows:

Being popular is important all through life, not just in high school.

Cleaning the dishes after you are done with them saves time in the long run, dear husband.

Stinking is sometimes unavoidable, especially in the humid New York summer.

aaaaOn occasion we might even restate these same sentences using the infinitive forms of the said verbs, as in "To be popular is important all through life, not just in high school." These sentences would still make perfect sense whether we used the infinitive or the gerund.
aaaaHowever, as I mentioned before, certain verbs must be followed by an infinitive or a gerund if the next idea is a verb.
aaaaLet me explain a little more. If I decided to use the verbs "to agree" and "to help" in a sentence, it would look something like this.

I agreed to help him this weekend even though he's never thankful.

aaaaOr even if I want to use "to plan" instead of "to agree" it would look like this.

aaaaI plan to help him this weekend even though he's a jerk.

aaaaThe verbs "to plan" and "to agree" are always followed by an infinitive. In this instance, the following infinitive is "to help," but it can be any other verb in the infinitive form, such as:

I plan to study Mandarin when I have enough free time to breathe.

I agreed to cook dinner every Tuesday since there aren't any good programs on television that night.

aaaaAnother verb that always takes an infinitive is "to need." (I know you thought I wouldn't get back on track with the grammar explanation but, ah ha, you are wrong!) On Saturday mornings, I often use the verb "to need" in the following way:

1) I need to do the laundry
2) I need to pay the bills
3) I need to go to the post office
4) You need to prepare breakfast in bed for me in this lifetime, dear husband.
5) My mother needs to stop annoying me
6) She also needs to get a new hobby besides gossiping
7) My dad needs to buy a sweater so that he won't die if we put on the air conditioner.

aaaaSo, now that we know all this, let's go back to the question that was posed by an inquisitive reader who wondered why her old roommate's use of the following wonderful phrases sounded odd:

My clothes need washed.
The table needs cleaned.
Your shirt needs ironed.

aaaaThese sentences are incorrect for the reasons I mentioned in the last installment of "The Grammarian" about the passive tense. (At this point, you should be imagining me with my black and white nylon tights, with a gigantic "G" stamped on my chest and a flowy cape trailing behind me.) They are also wrong because the verb "to need" always takes an infinitive. Ta da!

aaaaDid you think I was just going to leave it at that? Oh no, my friends. I've now explained infinitives thoroughly, but what about gerunds? I hardly talked about them!

aaaaVerbs like "to enjoy," "to miss," "to mention" and "to keep" (in the sense of continuing) are followed by gerunds, as in the examples below:

I enjoy dreaming of Johnny Depp.
I miss seeing new movies on Fridays.
She mentioned meeting Brad Pitt and I was seething with jealousy.
She keeps talking about male celebrities. Doesn't she have a life?

aaaaI've listed some verbs below and put them in categories of "infinitive" or "gerund." If the verb falls in the infinitive column, that means that the verb that follows it in a sentence must be in the infinitive form. Similarly, if a verb is in the gerund column, then any verb that comes after it must be a gerund.

aaaaHappy Conjugating!