Be the Change
by Angela Arlia

aaaahen we discussed "change" as the theme for this issue of 31, I immediately planned to write about the changes I've experienced since getting married. I created a list in my brain of all the things that have changed about me. However, a day after the theme was presented, I had an experience that made me want to write about change in a different way. aaaaA number of weeks earlier, I had gone on an interview for a position that I had previously held in a bank. I believed that the interview went very well. Several interesting questions arose regarding my relationship with a previous boss, and I thought I answered them quite honestly.
	aa	aaaaA week later, at about the same time that I was considering the theme of change for the magazine, I found out that said previous boss was speaking negatively about me within the bank. This meant that, of course, that snowballs had greater chances of staying frozen in hot places than I did of getting the job I had interviewed for. Obviously I was upset and infuriated. Namely, I was upset because I knew that I could never be as cold and calculating in thwarting another person's future as my former boss seemed to be with regard to mine. That is, I could never hinder some one else's livelihood and I didn't understand how he, in good conscience, could. But mostly, I was disappointed,
yet again, to see that people are becoming more and more vicious, especially in the work world. And this propelled me into my slippery slope of change and what it means to change oneself. aaaaWhen a new year is on the horizon, we often give thought to the things we want to change about ourselves (sometimes specifically for just that new year and other times on a grander scale). Many people want to lose weight while others decide to finally do the things they've always meant to do, such as learn a new language or to play an instrument. As I was ruminating on my New Year's resolutions, I glanced at a card that said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." No one other than Gandhi could have said that. Seeing this quote made me think seriously about my own actions. I always say I wish people would be nicer to one another. I considered being nicer to people so that a domino effect would start and others would be nicer. (As a side note, I think most people who know me would agree that I am very nice, and I even think I'm very nice. I know that I don't wake up in the morning with the sole purpose of making other people's lives miserable. My main goal on a daily basis is to just make it through the day and to learn something new.) aaaaOf course I began my existential wonderings with: I try to be nice to people; why aren't more people nice to me? I very often say "please" and "thank you" to people who assist me in any way, from the Starbucks worker, to my students and bosses. I nearly always have a smile on my face. And I always say "good morning". Yet, most people I encounter don't say "please" and "thank you" to me and they certainly don't say "good morning". It seems I always have to initiate, which is okay--but would it kill people to make an effort? aaaaNormally, when others don't say "please" or "thank you" to me, I just accept it as being part of their characters. However, sometimes I wonder if I should instead insist on normal niceties from others. But wouldn't that be rude and defeat the purpose of the idea of being nice? And even if I wanted to insist, being brash and bossy isn't really my style. So, I'm at an impasse. aaaaThe bigger question is: How can I make this change happen? The challenge in Gandhi's quote is that one must change oneself in order to change the world. And an individual changing of his or her own volition is a pretty difficult undertaking. Maybe people aren't capable of change so they won't change. If that's the case, I can't change them either. aaaaCall me stubborn but I'm not willing to give up so easily. I am going to challenge myself. And I am daring those who read my column as well, to try to say "thank you", "please" and "good morning" to everyone for a week. It's a small step but I think it could really make a difference. Maybe with these small measures, we can set off a chain reaction of niceness. And if you, my readers, decide to step up to the challenge, please send me a note with your observations and feelings. Let's get the ball rolling. Let's make 2007 the nicest year in a long time.