Birds of a Feather
by Angela Arlia

aaaaomen often wonder what men talk about when they are together. I finally have an answer: They talk about absolutely nothing! aaaaI have spent the last few days in the company of my husband and his best friend during a trip to Paris. We were invited to stay at my husband's friend's house for five days. In many ways, it has been enlightening because, well, I've learned that they don't say anything important. (I'm sure they think the same thing about women but all women know that's not true.) I've learned that when men get together, they become boys again and most women might as well be invisible. aaaaNow, mind you, I should explain that this article pertains to two Mexican men (and really just two of them) but I have a sneaking suspicion that it doesn't matter what their ethnicity may be; all men act the same when they are together. aaaaThe primary mission of their friendship (from what I can gather) is twofold: First, they are to repeat, remember and relive the stupid events that they have been through together. Second, each man must out-drink the other. I've been around them twice before so I knew their mission fairly well before this most recent male bonding session. Hence the reason I brought five books with me on this outing. I know that when they are together, I won't get a word in edgewise, I won't understand a thing they are saying and I'm not really sure I care to know anyway. So I am going to make the most out of my time. I figured one book for each day that I was going to be with them would suffice.
	aa	aaaaAt times, my husband and his best friend are quite funny, I'll admit--like when they were taking numerous stupid pictures of themselves in front of famous Parisian landmarks during our trip. Further, the degree of their stupidity is very amazing. For instance, my husband bought a set of 10 wrestling figurines one day at an outdoor market. (My husband is 34 years old.) The first thing he did was call to his best friend to tell him what he bought with more excitement than he had on our wedding day. (I can assure you of this.) When his best friend came over, my husband showed him the set of figurines. They did a weird happy handshake and his friend proceeded to rip open the plastic bag and play with the figurines. He chose two figurines at random and began to make the appropriate wrestling noises for the moves each figurine made on the other right in front of me. Yes, I laughed, but tattooed on my brain was "How old is he again?" aaaaI can't say that I don't try to get even in my own way. My husband's friend is a bit of a macho man. He believes that women are the weaker sex. I sense this in the way he
always tries to help me carry things that he thinks are too heavy. Now, some may say he's being a gentleman, but I say otherwise. Since he is used to women asking for help and complaining about walking for long amounts of time, I purposely walk for long amounts of time, not only because I can walk a long time, but also because I have to show him that not all women enjoy this kind of coddling treatment. After a particularly long day of walking in Paris, the men began to joke that I was a trained torturer; therefore, if they didn't do something I wanted, I would just get even with incredibly long walks. aaaaNot only did I learn that men talk about nothing important, I learned that I had to accept different things from my husband when the two men were together. What I usually expect of my husband decreases one-hundredfold in the presence of his best friend. Whereas normally, I would expect my husband to listen to me when I say I will meet him at the grocery store. I know now that when he's accompanied by his friend, the same notification results in "wah wah wah wah wah" in the ear canal of my husband. aaaaFor instance, the three of us headed out one morning intending to go to the same place, the grocery store. On the corner, I told them I would meet them at the grocery store in a few minutes, because I first wanted to check out something in the shoe store. They both nodded their heads in agreement. I walked into the shoe store, looked around at a few things and walked out. It could not have taken more than five minutes. When I got to the grocery store, there was no sign of them in the sections of the store we had all decided we needed to visit. So I called my husband on the phone and asked him where he was. He replied that they were back in the apartment! Yes, I was annoyed. I also couldn't figure out how they managed to get everything in less than 10 minutes, when it had taken them an hour and a half to get ready to leave the apartment just minutes before?
aaaaI picked out what I had intended to get and went back to the apartment, where I had to call and call to be let in. Another 10 minutes later, hubby showed up at the door, where he was met by my face, bearing no signs of a happy camper. aaaa"I said I would meet you at the grocery store," I said to him. aaaaHe had no idea what I was talking about. When we got back upstairs, he asked his friend if he'd heard me say that I was going to meet them at the store. Nope, he hadn't heard that. Why didn't he hear me say that? It was doubtless due to the gust of air passing through their ears. I don't know why I'd been naïve enough to think they'd heard me, since they never do when they are together!
aaaaAnother thing I've learned in the time that I've been married, which became solidified on this trip, is that there are certain moments when I should accept that I am invisible to my husband. Time with his best friend is synonymous with "Angie is invisible" time. aaaaFor instance, one night after dinner, my husband and I were sitting at the table and I mentioned that I had something for him to see in the bedroom. (Code word: Spend some time with me being husband and wife). I saw a glaze come over his eyes, the same one I saw when I told him to wait for me at the grocery store. This time, I accepted defeat and said goodnight. It would be another night in bed with my trusty hardcover books to keep me company. aaaaIt hasn't been easy taking second or third place to my husband's family and friends. I guess it's not easy for him to take second or third place behind my dogs and Bono either. These are the things one must accept when one gets married, along with a number of other things, which aren't as funny. I'm okay with these little changes that marriage has brought to my life. I hope it will get easier as the years go by.